he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
