Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
