so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
