Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
