Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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