flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
