My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
