And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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