She said her name was "party"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
