No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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