you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
