I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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