you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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