Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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