Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
