I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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