Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
