omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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