Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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