I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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