Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
