So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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