make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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