i permit you to call me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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