He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
