she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
