he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
