the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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