So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize