the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
