trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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