he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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