I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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