Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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