Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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