Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
3 2 1 whiskey
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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