why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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