I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
