I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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