my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
