i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
