True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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