Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean