it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches