I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard