A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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