I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome