They should really pass out barf bags in church
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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