dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
