I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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