Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
