I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
