I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Non-Jews are for practice
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
