i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
