the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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