...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
nutella sex= disaster
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
