The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
