Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Slut skills are useful in every country.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
