Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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