The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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