I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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