its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
