Say something about gay babies.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
