no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
