i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
