i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
