shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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