Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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