Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
