it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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