But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
