you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
