they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
