She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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